I was asked a couple weeks ago why I haven’t written or posted a blog in months, and as I sat back and thought about that question, I knew it was because I am inspired by nothing around me anymore. I have either lost the things that inspired me so deeply or I have become comfortable with the things that were once a thrill.
I will be the first to admit, this first semester of sophomore year has been one of the hardest adjustments of my life. I’ve gained a lot of things, like phenomenal relationships with my Alpha Chi sisters, but I’ve also lost a lot of things I was not prepared to lose. I kept going over all of this in my head, wondering why all of these things were hitting at once, and I could not come up with anything. I could not come up with anything because I want to see the good in everything, I want to know that I am doing the best at all times and I want to know that no one, at least in my life, would ever hurt me. As a logical person, I know that all of these things are false and that there is bad in things, I sometimes have no idea what I am doing and people hurt you, whether they intend to or not.
And the few things that I have gone through in the course of the past four months, they’re hard as hell to accept, but day by day, I am learning to find peace in them.
- Taking care and loving yourself takes genuine effort. Honestly, I have yet to even touch on this one myself, but again, it is about realization. Self-care is not Tumblr quotes, pretty aesthetics and a bubble bath, but instead, it is reevaluating and prioritizing your life, the people you surround yourself and the things that you do. Taking care of yourself is doing things that take time, take knowledge and fill pieces of you, and sometimes, it is doing things that you do not want to do.
- You cannot control what someone else thinks, and my God, you cannot change a person. You can spend all day suggesting your ideas, demanding change and begging for a sign that you are doing something right, and you can scream it all at the top of your lungs, but you cannot win someone’s respect if they are not willing to give it to you. But do not dare shrink yourself for someone else’s comfort, do not become small for someone who refuses to grow.
- Stop waiting for a “sign” and take some damn initiative in what you do. You are waiting for a sign that you’re doing your best in school, your best in relationships or whatever the case is, we wait for a sign that what we are doing is being appreciated… And that is bullshit. Anytime you are going to grow, you are going to lose something and you are probably going to lose what you are hanging onto to keep yourself safe, comfortable.
- Being alone will not kill you. Eat alone, sleep alone and take yourself on personal days. You will learn about yourself, you will figure out what inspires you, you will curate your own dreams, your own beliefs. When you stop relying on another person as your backbone and as your happiness, you will find your own clarity. You have to trust yourself enough to believe that you are going to get better and come up from it all.
- Last, but not least, accept that you are allowed to take up space, you are allowed to have a voice, you are allowed to put yourself first and you are allowed to do things that make you feel alive. Accept the fact that you are human and you are loved by someone, and probably a lot of people, you are appreciated and you are allowed to follow your head, your heart or both.
All of these things are not easy concepts to accept in your life, but once you recognize them and apply them, all of the love and positivity you have given to other people, the good you have given to the world and the effort you have put in, will find its way back to you.